Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
