I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
