very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
