I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize