Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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