Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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