If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
