If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize