Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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