my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
