if you like me you must not know who I am
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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