So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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