You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize