How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
