my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
