I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
