i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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