looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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