At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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