he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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