Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
