i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
