The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
