How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Girls should come with a carfax report
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
