so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
