you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
