I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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