What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
