Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
