it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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