it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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