How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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