I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
