Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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