So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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