her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
