I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
