I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
