I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
