you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
