you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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