as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Found your dick twin last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
