I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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