I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
