The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
