For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
