who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
