Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
