i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
