She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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