I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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