the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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