I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
