I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
