why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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