Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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