then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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