were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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