This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
