I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
