Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
