Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
