I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize