Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
