I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
