Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
