Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
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