I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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