What did we do last night that was yellow?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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