I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
