you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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