if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize