Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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