Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
