In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sober January is a disaster.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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