im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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